“That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.”
J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (via calmyourtitsconfucious)
i hate small children in theory because they are loud and covered in something sticky and disgusting but in reality they show me their macaroni art project and i cry
(Source: trashboat, via hell-ofaseason)
Never underestimate a Marylander’s dedication to old bay
LET ME TELL YOU A THING OK SO MY SCHOOL IS ON THE BOARDER OF MARYLAND AND PA OK AND ONE DAY ONE FUCKING DAY MY CAFETERIA RAN OUT OF OLD BAY AND ALL THE KIDS FROM MARYLAND LOST THEIR SHIT. THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO AND YOU COULD TELL WHO WAS FROM MARYLAND AS THEY WALKED AWAY LOOKING LOST AND EMPTY AND HOLLOW FROM THE PLACE WHERE WE HAVE OUR SPICES. MARYLAND HAS TWO THINGS GUYS, CRABS AND OLD BAY AND THEY WORSHIP IT LIKE A FUCKING CULT
Stage Manager Pick Up Line
"Hey girl, I may not look good…but I once called a show that only had three major problems"
"Baby, I love you so much that even twelve layefs of gaff can’t hide my feelings"
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